“If you speak loud enough, someone will hear you. But unless you say it clearly enough, no one will listen.”

About 15 years ago, I overheard a discussion between a couple seated at a table next to mine in a London restaurant. From the way they spoke and looked, they were both well off, good mannered and, highly likely, educated.

They were having a quiet argument, one peppered with long, silent pauses. I couldn’t hear everything they were saying but, at one point, the male raised his voice a notch and asked:

If you don’t tell me what’s wrong, how can I know how to fix it?

That question stayed with me after all these years and, time and time again, it proved its validity.

We are not mind readers. No one is. Not even behavioural psychologists read minds – they suss out behaviours, actions, and patterns, never thoughts and ideas.

We speak so much these days: with meaning and mostly meaningless. We interact on social networks, speak about anything and everything, yet we very seldom communicate.

We rarely, in face to face conversations, let alone on social media, speak up and speak our minds. We are afraid to, we are embarrassed to, we are unsure of the reaction we would get, we fear of offending someone, we dread being accused of racism or discrimination and so on.

To communicate does not require a PhD in communication or public relations, nor does it require a master’s degree in psychology or neuroscience. Communication, at its very core, requires one thing only: dialogue.

And the trouble with dialogue is that both parties need to pay attention at what is being said, as well as at what it is not being said – this implies effort, active listening, and commitment.

We put so much out there in the ether, yet little of that is about our true self: about what we dream of, hope, fear, want and so on. Our communication, at corporate and public level is a monologue mostly. Many of us do not take the time to try to make ourselves understood, let alone trying to understand others.

I asked a question the other day, and 329 people were kind enough to answer it.

https://twitter.com/EllaMinty/status/1272445310900543491?s=20

 

It is worrying that less than 65% of those who responded are willing to speak up their mind, while 23% of those who responded being unsure whether they should do it or not.

“I am the guy who voted negative cos - my scepticism is so high; I do not think speaking matters anymore. People will continue to get exploited, treated badly & speaking will only make things worse for people”

If that is the case in some instances, are we evolving as a society, place of work or community, or are we heading towards almost total compliance with the rules, good or bad, or a lack of genuine care and involvement?

Speaking up one’s mind, for better or for worse, is a great opportunity to ascertain any individual’s stand on any issue, trying to understand their viewpoint and, depending on the situation, find a solution to an impasse.

But, as Keith Lewis argued, is “good” the same as “necessary”? It is not, we could argue. Good is subjective and necessary is objective.

“Good” is interpreted through a personal moral lens, and “necessary” is often perceived as required, to change course or to adjust a situation before it reaches a critical point.

"Ironically, right now, not everything's black & white. Some things demonstrably are, others [are] far more complex, nuanced, & subtle. It all needs addressing but the noise sometimes masks the good & amplifies the bad. We need calm, rational thought as well as considered direct action"

If you are in a leadership position, do you heed “the noise”, as Kevin pointed out above, or do you follow rational thought process which may not appease the popular roar but will deliver the necessary result? Where and when does public pressure cease to “pressure”?

“It's more important to know your own mind and to listen first. Freedom of speech is a right but using it well is a responsibility”

Should we exercise our freedom of speech responsibly? How do we qualify being free to speak but being responsible when speaking? Does that require “redaction” or “subtitling”? If we speak about workplaces, especially those with many staff, what would you, as the CEO of the organisation ask of your internal communication team?

To tell the employees that they are actively encouraged to speak up their minds but to do so responsibly? What sort of workplace culture would that be and how likely is it that any significant negative developments taking place at the coalface of the operations will ever be reported up the chain?

However, if you work in a high risk environment, in times of crisis or, especially, during the due diligence related to any merger or acquisition, buy-out, investment and so on, speaking up is no longer a nice to do but a must do.

In the workplace, matters become more complex. Today, lawsuits are commonplace especially across the Atlantic, and every wrong glance, touch, word, or sigh may be misinterpreted.

Jobs, especially now, come at a premium and those who are and will continue to be in employment, will likely be less willing to speak up on matters related to misconduct, ethics, and abuse. They may be (and rightly so?) afraid that by speaking up their minds they will jeopardise their income and/or the financial security of their family.

No employer can ever claim that they are fair, inclusive, and just – not if they punish honesty and an ethical approach to work, inside and outside the organisation.

And those who observe those “chokehold” behaviours should not let them turn their heads the other way; if they do, they will only contribute to the promotion of a toxic workplace culture.

Many of us are spending a lot of time online now; much more than we used to do. The social media bubble can be a great place to be in if you surround yourself by decent, good people and if you have a strong network of online peers or friends.

Words can hurt; words can kill; words can start wars; words are extremely dangerous if used inappropriately, especially in a “monologue” structure, one where we spew hatred and verbalise abuse just because we can.

“I am sorry” and “I apologise” appear to be in short supply online. They should not. You can still speak up your mind if:

Is it true?

Is it necessary?

Is it kind?

Is it of value to other people?

Far too much social media commentary should never have got past the ‘is it necessary’ checkpoint.

Fear is the most powerful human emotion, far more powerful than love could ever be – a mother will protect her child not just out of love for that child, but for the fear that something bad might happen to it (and the list can continue).

We do not take judgement lightly; many of us cannot take criticism (constructive or not) lightly either; many are afraid to be labelled or judged as “not fitting in”.

Social belonging is very important to many and, for those working in a highly “social” environment such as corporate communication, corporate affairs, public affairs and so on, the truth needs to be packaged differently at times to make sure it resonates and strikes the right chords.

Yet, there is hardly ever any justification for not telling those we seek to protect and support that they have a problem – internal or external, of their own doing or externally caused.

If the truth is presented as Rebecca indicated she does regularly, respect is easily earned. The life of a corporate communicator (adviser, if you wish) is overly complex and the stakeholder mix they must navigate and bring on board is enormously diverse.

One can hardly expect to earn respect and credibility based on a whim, on an assumption, or on a “thought”. That’s not how business works – if you work in Communication or PR and find yourself one day before a CEO, Chairperson, MD and similar, and have a situation to present, strategy to put forward, advice to give, don’t ever consider backing those up with “I think…” / “In my opinion…” / “Perhaps we should…”.

It is inevitable that we will always offend or upset somebody in our communication efforts.

Apologise and ask for advice on what and how to say the same thing, to ensure that you do not offend anyone else in the future.

We learn much more from our mistakes than we learn from our successes; and we continue to learn throughout our lives only if we advocate real communication, not just speaking at someone or shouting. The fear of saying the wrong thing, to the wrong person at the wrong time should not prevent anyone from speaking up – you can always start by saying:

“I’m not sure if what I am about to say will offend you. If it does, I apologise – please do understand that by saying it, by no means do I seek to offend, just to express my thoughts on this matter.”

Do not just speak. Communicate.

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