Amplifying female voices in public relations

“Words are… the most powerful drug used by mankind,” said Rudyard Kipling of the building blocks of communication and their compelling power to engage us and propel us forward in life. And ascommunications professionals, we are highly attuned to communicating the needs of our clients through often carefully nuanced words. But how much are we paying attention to the language we use to land our own messages in our professional lives?

For women in particular, the power of words – spoken and written – can have a huge impact as they navigate their careers. And if we are not putting out the same carefully thought-out messages about ourselves that we would for others, the result can be inadvertent self-sabotage and a drag factor on our progress.

Speaking truth to power

Words are just one part of a communication arsenal designed to elicit a psychological response – body language and tone also play a part in how messages are received. Albert Mehrabian, a seminal researcher of body language, was the first to break down the components of face-to-face conversation. He found that communication is 55% nonverbal, 38% vocal, and only 7% verbal.

However, words matter: pick the wrong ones, and even if your body language and tone are confident, the message you’re sending out will still come across differently to the way you intended.

Nicole Greenfield-Smith, a corporate coach focused on empowering women with strategic communication skills, believes our choice of words begins with ‘self-talk’ – the words we use when communicating with ourselves. This self-talk shapes our self-perception and determines what we believe we’re capable of achieving.

“Self talk is a massive part of the relationship you develop with yourself,” she says. “And the words we use with ourselves and other people matter. We can talk to ourselves in a variety of different ways, but for those people who talk to themselves in a negative way, it’s incredibly damaging. If someone else said these things to you, you’d stop and question it. But if those voices are coming from your own head, you’ll often just let it go – you might not even be aware that it’s happening.”

How we talk to ourselves in turn influences how we approach the world, and thus how we talk to others. Creating rapport and influence in our careers means speaking with impact to colleagues, clients, and line managers – all stakeholders that can have a huge impact on career progression. Yet there can often be a disconnect between what women want and the way they’re projecting themselves.

Author Tara Mohr in her book Playing Big - For Women who Want to Speak Up, Stand Out and Lead notes that one of the big things to kick to the kerb is the unconscious ‘minimising’ we can do to ourselves through the way we speak. Small words can make a big difference, she notes, undermining us often without us noticing through diminishing speech habits and patterns. 

“Most women I know feel great pressure to say what they really want to say, while also adhering to feminine ‘norms’ of being ‘nice’, ever flexible, ever conciliatory, ever calm,” says Mohr. “As a result, there are a number of ‘little things’ women tend to do in speech and writing that in fact aren’t little at all. They have a big impact, and not a positive one.”

“I just…,” “I actually,” “Sorry, but….” “Does that make sense…,” “I’m no expert but…”- According to Mohr these are just a few of the disclaimers that women often use to ‘soften’ their speech by hedging, apologising, qualifying, or undermining themselves. “They’re attempts to walk the fine line of saying something without coming on too strong, but in fact they convey tentativeness, self-doubt – or worse, self-deprecation.”

Greenfield-Smith agrees: “If we want to share our competence and talent with others fully as women then we must start by using more certainty in our words, to reflect the certainty we have in ourselves.

“If you want to progress through the ranks, you need people to trust you and you need them to think you’re an expert in whatever it is that you do. If you’re a bit apologetic, it puts doubt in people’s minds. To use words that convey certainty means being direct and saying, ‘I need you to do this,’ rather than ‘I really hope that you might do this for me.’” As she says, it’s words that can convey certainty versus those that add fluff – and when you convey certainty you create trust in other people.

Taking credit where it’s due is another powerful driver in progress and highlights other words that women should use carefully. “Often women are good at being the workhorses, rather than the show ponies,” notes Greenfield-Smith. “They will be very good at making things happen behind the scenes, but they won’t be so good at standing in the spotlight and getting all the recognition for the work they’ve done.”

Overcoming a reluctance to use the word “I,” as opposed to “We” when talking about a successful campaign or piece of work is a powerful shift. And claiming ownership of and highlighting your part in success does not have to come at the expense of your team; a simple hierarchy shift in words can have a massive impact on your visibility.

“If, for example, you’re talking to a line manager and lead with ‘I said this, I did this,’ and then talk about the team, that’s going to have much more impact for you. But because it feels like a bolder statement to say ‘I,’ many women will soften things and start with the ‘We’ and then talk about their role in it later,” she adds.

And importantly, when someone offers you a compliment on your talent, a campaign or great piece of work – simply say one powerful word: thanks. 

Rewriting the narrative

Of course, spoken words are only one side of the coin. Written comms, from emails to letters, also convey both information and meta-messaging to others around ‘who we are.’ However, social media, messaging and emails are easy to misconstrue without any other physical or tonal context to help us ascertain meaning – so it’s even more important to think carefully about your words before you press that send button. And, if needs be, sense-check text with a second trusted party for sensitive situations. 

Written words are also foundational in the work PR professionals might do for female clients, from writing speeches to ghosting quotes, disseminating targeted messages to externally or internally, amplifying profiles or performing crisis management. 

The key indicators of confidence, trust and creating rapport through words are as important for our clients as they are for ourselves – and perhaps somewhat easier and clearer to see when speaking for other people rather than ourselves. Being direct, warm, filtering out any reflexive apology, uncertainty, statements turned into questions or minimising speech – and having a message that is owned, clear and uncomplicated – is a powerful conduit.

Ultimately, what we say and how we say it for ourselves and on behalf of other women are keys to advancing a more diverse pipeline into business, unlocking greater gender parity, and helping to advance women in the workplace. 

We know the power of words to change perspectives and influence the world around us. It’s time to use them to impact our own careers, as well as those of our clients, and change the conversation for the better. 

Six things to stop saying right now to boost your communication impact:

Just (“I just want to check in and see…,” I’m just wondering…”)
 

Inserting ‘just’ into sentences diminishes what we are saying and is a way of showing that we feel awkward or are apologising for our communication. 

Actually (“I actually think…” “I actually have a question…”)

As Mohr notes, “Actually makes it sound as if you are surprised that you have a question or that you disagree.” 

Sorry, but/to/if… (“Sorry, but can I just ask you…,” “Sorry to bother you…”)

Reflexive “sorries” are not the same as genuine apologies – they denote an unconscious apology for taking up space, for having something to say or for asking questions. 

Does that make sense? (“So, I’d like to see the report and have a meeting next week when I have digested it more fully – does that make sense?”)

Asking if what you have said just makes sense is a speech pattern that casts doubt in the listener that you actually know what you’ve said makes sense.

A little bit/A few (“I’d like to take a few moments of your time”)

Minimising what you want to contribute or what you would like from another person plays into an idea that you do not value your worth, time, or contributions. 

Anna Melville James is an award-winning freelance journalist who has written for the Sunday Times Travel Magazine, the Independent, the Mail on Sunday, National Geographic Traveller, the Guardian, Country Living and everywoman.