All apologies: the golden rules of the PR mea culpa

Sorry, to paraphrase Elton John, really does seem to be one of the hardest words for PR/comms teams to get right. Over the last year, Microsoft, Boeing, Lizzo, the Post Office and Team GB dressage star Charlotte Dujardin have all issued public apologies to varying success. Given it’s often the PR/comms team tasked with preparing the public mea culpa, getting the nuances right can make-or-break a client’s reputation during a crisis. 

Some apologies are too flippant (see lifestyle magazine SheerLuxe, which responded to criticism of hiring an “AI editor” by saying they were taking a “duvet day”). Others are too late (see ex-Post Office boss Paula Vennells who apologised many years after the Horizon scandal). And some apologies are just patently off-message (see the Instagram influencers whose attempts at eating humble-pie involve the use of violin emojis). 

One thing’s sure: the old PR (and Kate Moss) strategy of “never complain, never explain” is no longer fit-for-purpose in a world where social media has made public figures more accountable and heavily scrutinised than ever before. Whether your client has breached safety regulations, had an extra-marital affair or used hateful language on X, battening down the hatches and hoping the problem will disappear is no longer an option.

With public apologies set to become a cornerstone of crisis management PR, here's how comms professionals can embrace the S-word with ease…

The anatomy of a good PR apology

According to Chris Calland, associate partner of PR agency Pagefield, the most effective apologies are guided by the “three R’s”: regret, react and reassure. 

An expression of regret. 

“Use the words ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I apologise’ and get this upfront in the first part of the sentence/statement,” says Marjorie Ingall, co-author of Getting to Sorry: The Art of Apology at Work and Home, who has analysed public apologies on her website SorryWatch since 2012. “You’d be surprised how many people don’t use the word ‘sorry’ or put it in the last line. Also, never use the word ‘regret’ as it signifies you wish you hadn’t got caught.”

A reaction to the situation for which you’re apologising.

“Acknowledge the situation,” says Hannah Kapff, founder/managing director at Curious PR. “You could include some of the reasons behind the mistake, but you need to acknowledge how you’ve made people feel.”

A reassurance you will not repeat the same mistakes.

“Give the steps you’ll be taking to make sure it doesn’t happen again,” says Ingall.

Make the apology sound authentic

“You need to make it sound like you are sorry, because anybody with half a brain will know what a genuine apology is,” says Kapff. “A half-arsed, perfunctory sorry can do more damage than saying nothing.”

Her tips? “Any quotes need to sound as if they’re coming from that person, and not as if it was written by a PR team.”

It might be useful of think of Boris Johnson’s PartyGate apology in April 2022, where he stated that it “did not occur” to him that hosting parties in Downing Street while the rest of the UK was in lockdown was breaking the rules. The apology fell flat, largely because it was read from a piece of paper and didn’t sound like Boris. 

Earlier this year, Boeing chief executive Dave Calhoun was slammed by family members of plane crash victims for issuing an “practiced apology” they deemed was inauthentic. Calhoun blamed recent safety failures on an “untrained workforce” and the impact of Covid on the aviation industry, but as one victim noted, he told senators he was “proud of every action” Boeing took on safety when meeting with senators minutes later. 

An example of a good apology 1 

In 2020 Little Women star Florence Pugh apologised for past cultural appropriation after a fan called her out for wearing her hair in cornrows on a red-carpet appearance a few years previously. The three-page apology was effective, says Ingall, because Pugh “sounded like a regular human being, rather than the statement being put through multiple filters of careful massaging. She also used words from sociology and articles about why cultural appropriation is bad to show that she’d done reading into the subject.”

Think about timing… 

Obviously, taking too long to convey contrition can be upsetting to those aggrieved, such as Paula Vennell’s delayed apology after the Post Office Horizon IT scandal. It can also lead to speculation and conspiracy theories to take hold, as shown by the Princess of Wales/Buckingham Palace taking a day to apologise for Photoshopping an official Mother’s Day photo in March. 

“The time lag made things worse,” says Kapff. “Obviously, the Palace was trying to do the right thing given the Princess was unwell, but at the same time they knew the media would not let up because the photo was doctored. There was a need to be prompt in this case.”

Equally, casting off an apology too rapidly without grasping the facts can backfire too. Ingall points to research by Cindy Frantz at Oberlin College, which “shows that precipitous, too-soon apologies are viewed as less sincere. Rather than just bursting out-of-the-gates with an apology, people need time to sit with the anger and their errors”.

… and consider making a private apology too

“Alongside your public apology, you need to say sorry privately too,” suggests Ingall. She gives the example of United Airlines – castigated after a 2017 incident when a 69-year-old passenger David Dao was dragged off a flight after refusing to give up his seat to employees of a partner airline.

“There was so much cellphone footage of this elderly passenger with blood pouring down his face, broken nose and lost teeth,” says Ingall. “United claimed they’d ‘reached out to Dao’, but his family responded they hadn’t. It immediately undid any good an apology could have done.”

Language dos and don’ts

SorryWatch has Bad Apology bingo cards of words/phrases commonly used in public apologies yet could be considered weaselly. 

“Times were different then”

“Allegations”

“I regret what happened”

“Mistakes were made”

“There is a lot going on in my life”

“My heart goes out to”

“Misconstrued”

“This is not who I am”

“I was exhausted”

“What I meant was”

“Out of context”

“Nobody who knows me”

Other words/phrases to avoid:

Passive language

 “Words like ‘already’ and ‘mistakes were made’ are immediately triggering for people.” (Ingall)

“I’m sorry” followed by a conjunction (“I’m sorry but/if/that)

“These aren’t real apologies as they deflect the blame to something else.” (Calland)

Personal pronouns 

“Using “I’ve” makes it sound like you’re beleaguered and put upon” (Ingall)

This should be PR 101 but sad-face emojis or even ones of violins should be avoided at all costs. 

An example of a good apology 2

When a decade-old video of actor Emily Blunt making fatphobic remarks about a waitress resurfaced online in late-2023, she issued the following apology:

“I just need to address this head on as my jaw was on the floor watching this clip from 12-years ago. I’m appalled that I would say something so insensitive, hurtful, and unrelated to whatever story I was trying to tell on a talk show.”

“I’ve always considered myself someone who wouldn’t dream of upsetting anyone so whatever possessed me to say anything like this in that moment is unrecognisable to me or anything I stand for. And yet it happened, and I said it and I’m so sorry for any hurt caused. I was absolutely old enough to know better.”

“The perfect mix of context and tone; it doesn’t leave any doubt that she’s sorry,” says Calland. “Blunt doesn’t try to explain her actions and the bottom line is ‘I’m sorry’. 

An example of a bad apology

In 2020 grime artist Wiley posted a series of antisemitic posts on social media comparing Jewish people to the Ku Klux Klan and calling them snakes. In his apology to Sky News, Wiley said, “I want to apologise for generalising, and I want to apologise for comments that were looked at as antisemitic.”

“By saying ‘comments that were looked at’ he’s trying to insist that he wasn’t wrong and his tweets weren’t racist,” says Calland.

Avoid legalese

Although Calland recommends getting your apology vetted by legal advisers, this can result in the lawyers shoehorning unnecessary legal jargon into the statement. “You need to work together and find a way of respecting the legal part, but without using jargon and hiding behind technical, obfuscatory language.” Ingall suggests avoiding using terms such as “revelations have come to light” and “the media has reported” because it suggests you’ve been accused of something, rather than owning up to the errors you’ve made… never crowbar company values into an apology because it creates a disconnect [between the client and who they’re apologising to].”

Never make excuses

The use of sleeping pill Ambien might have been behind Roseanne Barr’s racist tweets in 2018. Alcohol was probably to blame for MP Chris Pincher’s alleged groping of two men at a London private members’ club in 2022. Even so, it’s probably best to leave these factors out on an apology. To the public, it can seem like deflection. 

“In some cases, it’s best to just say sorry, rather than trying to justify it with 10,000 reasons why it happened,” says Kapff.

In response to Barr’s claims, drug manufacturer Sanofi (which makes Ambien) tweeted this brilliant response: “While all pharmaceutical treatments have side effects, racism is not a known side effect of any Sanofi medication.”

Making a video/broadcast apology? Be mindful of semiotics

A videoed apology – whether on broadcast TV or issued on social media – is a powerful way to show empathy and humanise the brand.

Calland suggests scanning the backdrop for non-verbal cues first: the use of symbols, colours, clothing, settings and makeup.

“Your job is to think about how this apology will be perceived. Will this video look too glitzy? What is the person wearing? If you’re issuing the apology in a stage-managed corporate-looking environment, it may not sit well. I’d also advise against doing something that looks like it was hastily cobbled together using your laptop camera.”

Be wary of the visual props used in the ‘Instagram apology’ too, says Ingall. 

“There’s the Instagram apology which starts ‘Hey guys!’, and then the apologiser isn’t wearing much makeup, on the couch holding a fluffy white dog and with sleeves pulled over their hands to make them look vulnerable. Making yourself look super-vulnerable isn’t appealing: it suggests you feel ‘regret’ rather than being sorry. People see through this cliché every time…”

Don’t over-egg the penitence pudding

Use the words “sorry’ sparingly and don’t let the client keep on grovelling ad nauseum. “If you look too submissive and apologetic, you might be thrown to the dogs,” says Kapff. “It’s a balance: you need to look like a leader, but still perceived to be doing the right thing, learning and leading your organisation into the future.”

Follow-up actions

Apologising doesn’t mean your crisis management strategy is sewn-up; instead you should let it broker a new, healthier relationship with the people you’ve upset.

Calland gives the example of one client who had issues with community relations. The chief executive attended a meeting with the local community, apologised and spent three hours listening to their concerns. “You shouldn’t just think giving an apology is about turning up, saying sorry and walking out. You might need to get the client/leader to visit the aggrieved party’s house and have a cup of tea with them, or an hour-long call.”

Calland recommends aligning all comms channels, such as changing the company’s website to display the apology and scanning social media for any frivolous images that might jar with the tone of the apology.

After the apology: dealing with aftercare

The weeks and months following the apology could be a time to place positive news articles in the media. 

“What’s sad is if somebody has done a lot for charity and they mess up: they could see donations plummet,” says Kapff. “Because of somebody’s mistake, they have to work even harder on their PR.”

Meanwhile, Calland underscores the importance of media monitoring following an apology. “You want to be tracking sentiment over time and seeing how the apology landed and how much traction it got,” he says. “Also, don’t think because this person is shunned, the media won’t want to write about them. There will always be journalists who are fascinated by villains and want to interview them to dive into their psychology, but you’ll need to wait for the dust to settle before you overtly push any positive messages. It has to be at the right time.” 

• Learn all the key lessons of crisis communication in this one-day beginner level course in London on 18 October. 

Christian Koch is an award-winning journalist, editor, content strategist and brand consultant.